Comedy is hard work.

People expect you to be funny 24/7.

So if you’re not constantly cracking up your friends, it can hurt you professionally.

They may not buy your book or come to your show.

She’s a comedian? She’s not that funny!”

It’s unfair, ‘cause when cardio surgeon friends say they cut chests open and hold hearts in their hands, everyone just takes their word for it.

I'm going nowhere.

People are always asking me to Go out there and Do something.

Is it just me or does this direction strike you as kind of vague?

I mean, you might as well tell me Go to Platform 9¾and a train will come.

 

About

I have a phonetic fetish.

All I want is to find a man with a last name that ends in ‘vrski’ and marry him.

Try saying VRSKI. Oh, don’t be a tight-ass. SAY IT.

Don’t you love the purring sound it makes in your mouth?

It’s the kind of name I’d love waking up to: “Good morning, BlahBlahVrski”And the kind I can scream in a fit of passion:

“Ohhhhh Vrrrrssssskkkkii!”

I love therapy.

I don’t get the taboo about seeking therapy at all.

It’s exactly like taking Buzzfeed quizzes.

At the end of the day, we all want to know which cocktail we are.But it means so much more when it comes from a shrink.

It’s like – Ooh, I really am Liquid Cocaine!

 

Books

Everything is a phobia these days.

Commitment phobia is a classic. Who decided it’s a phobia?

What if I just don’t want to get married ever.Just like I don’t want to live in Jharkhand ever.

Somehow nobody asks me to see the shrink about my Jharkhand Phobia. Why?

- Sophie Says

Modern-day Parenting is no joke.

For starters, no one takes you seriously unless you have a fancy parenting style.

Tiger Mom, Helicopter Mom, Organic Mom and on and on.

I’m going with L-Board Mom. I may look like I don’t know what I’m doing, but you want to keep safe distance ‘cause you know I can hurt you and get away with it.

Whoever invented Reply All is going to hell.

It’s amazing, how many people feel the need to respond to an email with smiley faces or worse ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥  marking three hundred others in it.

And then, the genius who sent out the first email will hit Reply All again to send reciprocal emoticons.

Stop. Somebody make it stop!